사랑해요!

“Redha Allah bergantung pada redha dua ibu bapa, dan murka Allah bergantung pada murka kedua-dua ibu bapa”(Riwayat Al-Hakim)

"Being benevolent means to love people,the greatest benevolence is to love one’s own parents."

(Confucius Say)

It's a cliché, is it? I know how other people love their parents too.Some people may think that I might be too exaggerating,on how I love my parents so much.But this is how I express it. Gratitude and appreciation have its own expression.

Till today, it has been almost 52 weeks (364 days) without my mother on my side.I admit, it was not easy to let go.Even till now,I'm feeling like she 'is' around, just that she's playing 'hide and seek'.Every time I'm out and heading back home,I feel like she's waiting for me at doorstep.Each time I think of the moment that I'm going to open the door, I feel like she's is standing at the back of the door, welcoming me, asking how's my day, like she used to. And I would asked back.

I miss her all the time.I miss all her cooks.I miss all her pampers.I miss all mother-daughter chit-chat.I miss her voice.I miss her soft-touch.I miss her tenderness.I miss her warm kiss.I miss her smell.I miss saying 'mother' to her.I miss all her laughter.I miss going shopping with her.I miss doing massage to her.I miss cooking with her.I miss doing house chores with her.

I miss hugging her....

I miss prettifying her...

I miss her smile and laughter...

I miss seeing her happy-face with her mother and siblings...

I miss visiting places with her...

I miss watching her eating...

I miss seeing her playing with her grandchildren...

I miss how she comb my hair...

I miss laying on her lap...

I MISS EVERYTHING ABOUT HER

Daddy,I love you so much,always,and forever.
I LOVE BOTH OF YOU VERY MUCH.

I have only one wish for my birthday

Peace be upon all,

It's the beginning of April.

April is a month where I share birthday cake with my mom and dad together.

I have only one wish for this year birthday : I want my mother back.

A Letter to My Mother

Posted on Monday, August 9, 10 by zzeed. (http://zzeed.wordpress.com/2010/08/09/a-letter-to-my-mother/)

Dear mom,

We miss you. Always. Ever since you’re gone, there have been plenty of changes at home. I always feel bad just by thinking about it – we should have done this much when you were around. But we were too blindfolded by our life goals. We strayed away. We’re sorry mom. But now we learned the big lesson. We learned it the hard way. That life is nothing much if we live for ourselves and it means so much more if we live for others. Like you did. You lived for us. You’re the best among us all. T_T

But anyway, let me update you with those changes. As always, your eyes lit up when we told our stories. You’ve always been happy to hear our updates.

KakLong always come around. She helps a lot with the housework. Vacuuming. Washing dishes. Even when Alimah needs more attention, she offers as much help as she possibly can. She has plenty of strength… and that strength she offers to each and everyone of us.

KakNgah helps too. Sometimes, she’d depart to work a bit later to prepare lunch. Abg Ngah has returned from Nibong Tebal after many years with USM. He’s staying with us now… KNgah is very glad.

I hang around a lot more… offering as much help with very little skills that I have. Mostly ideas and support. I just set up the Mac Mini that we wanted to get? Now we can store the photos in there. I’ll slowly scan pictures and archive them. Every now and then, I’d send CB or pick up Ayoh, buy breakfast during weekend and so on. I wish I’m more handy than just that. Intan is very much busy with housemanship and on-calls at the hospital. I’m sure she’d be helping just as much had it not been for those busy times. We always try to be around more to help, but the schedule is challenging.

Muzani & Niza has moved in. Muzani has done a lot. He’s like the construction manager and very much the big man of the house now. Always helping out, providing for others. Niza does plenty of kitchen work too, with the cooking and all.

Alya plays the biggest role so far – she’s like the operations manager. She fills up almost every inch of your role before, mom. She sends Ashbi & Adik to school. She knows the keys to every door, the locations of important stuff, and every bills to the house. She provides support to Adik & Ashbi… worries about their books, their shoes & bags, and whatever they need.

CB returned for 2 weeks the other day. As always, he’s very handy and helpful. He’s such a big guy now, very much more reliable than I am. We can’t wait to have him around more once he completed matriculation.

Ashbi is also very much more helpful than before. Needs summoning a little bit but he always answers. We’re trying to help him with PMR but he doesn’t seem to worry much. I think he knows he can do it too. That’s why he’s learning Japanese diligently – something outside of the subject. Don’t worry mom, I think he can do it.

Adik has grown up more. He’s a good boy. He listens to his KakYa very well. You must be proud of him if you see him today. We’ll help him grow up, mom. We’ll provide for him. Don’t worry.

Dad comes back as often as he can. He calls us a lot more. I wish we know better how to support dad. He reveals very little the difficulty that he’s going through… earlier on he keeps on saying, “Don’t worry about me. But I worry about all of you very much… ” So all we can do is pick ourselves up and not trouble him so much. I’m sure it’s not easy to bring up 8 kids.

Anyway, we can never be as happy as we were before. But we will try. For you… and for ourselves. We know you’ve always wanted us to be happy. So we will… T_T

Thanks for everything, mother. Allah loves you even more…

I hope you’re happy and peaceful at where you are now. I always pray you. In every prayer. I love you, mom. Until later. Take care.

T_T
Your beloved son. Zidni

I love you mother,and I miss you very much.

Attending Korean 101

Assalamualaikum wbt

An nyeong ha se yo.Jeo nun, Siti Alyani im ni da..
(to be continued...)

Yep.I am so into learning Hangul at the moment.Actually,it has started few years back when I was in Foundation Studies in UPM.Almost every girls in college are crazy about Korean dramas and movies.I'm included ^_^. I was once started learning the Hangul letters but then it was kept on hold (lack of perseverance and self-discipline). Yet, I never stopped watching Korean movies



It is fun and enjoyable! No pressure at all. And it's always a good excuses to distress! owh,and and, not to mention I learn this by myself.I don't attend any classes and don't have any teacher. I make use of the internet a lot! and with the help of my Korean friend, from South Korea itself, Jeongsu Kim.Thank you very much dear Jeongsu Kim, 감사합니다..!














Pictures JKS: Credit to ilovejks (twitpic)

As If Anyone Cares

Peace be upon all.
With the name of Allah, The Most Gracious and The Most Merciful.

Yes,that's right.It was the first day of new year 2011 ( and 26 Muharram on Hijr Calendar) and yet this is the first entry for this year.
It has been almost 7 months since mother passed away. On the new year's eve, we had dinner, magrib prayer jemaah, and yaasin recite at Abg Zidni's new apartment in Putrajaya. I remembered the previous housewarming when mother was around which was on Mac 2010. But now, she wasn't here for Abg's second housewarming. I cried during yaasin was recite cause I really-really miss mother. I tried to rewind the first housewarming with her around.


The next morning (new year day), I woke up quite late. I thought everyone has gone to Taman Botani for morning exercises as promise last night at Abg's. But, turns out almost everyone hadn't wake up yet. I woke up feeling weak. Oh no, Adik Asri's fever had passed onto me. It's always like that since I'm the only one who take care of Adik Asri. Since the exercise was canceled, I continue my sleep. I took my tasbih and recite zikr fatimah and reciting AlFatihah each bead dedicated to mother.How I wish she was here to comfort my illness like she used to do. I kept on until I felt asleep. And I had a dream.

I was in my room seating with my sisters Kaklong and Kakngah. Each of us held a paper. We discussing about something and all of sudden the door was opened and mother came in. She sat with us. We were so happy (regardless that time we knew that mother already passed away, but it's like a miracle, something that is impossible to happen). We hugged her, and kiss her as if she was really alive. She didn't move or say a word. That time, we asked for her signature (dunno why). My heart was at the top of the world seeing mother so beautiful, lovely, warm and sweet even in a dream. After a while, father came in and he was quite surprised to see mother there. And I asked him, "can u see?" and he replied "yes, i can". She was there. All of us saw her, even though it was only in my dream. I really-really want to tell her everything that happened for all this while. But then, my eyes were opened shockingly, I was awake due to Azan Zohor from my laptop. It has stopped the dream. I came back to reality world.
Oh mother, thank you for coming into my dream. Oh Allah, thank you for letting me having such dream.

As I try to get up, someone's knocked on my door. It was father asking me how do I felt. My body temperature went down as I was sweating while asleep.

I went downstairs to eat. While I was eating, I approached Adik Asri and asked him whether he had dreams about mother. He said he had. I couldn't help it as my eyes were burst to tears without me noticing that I was actually crying. He said the dream was about him and mother going shopping. I knew, deep down Adik misses his mother so much like I do. I became more emotional as I said "kakya pun ada mimpi mak juga". I cried whilst he was on his way to his room. But he didn't cry at all. I really respect and adored his strength when it comes to mother. YaAllah, let Adik be strong through out his life, and guide him to right path.

I miss mother.I miss her company and her comfort during my illness. and yet, nobody will ever replace her. As if anyone cares that I am at this stage of weakness of fever.

Vanilla and Chocolate..

Chocolate and vanilla are like the yin and yang of the culinary world ; chocolate is the bolder, more masculine force, with vanilla as its sweet, exotically feminine counterpart. Separately, both chocolate and vanilla evoke emotional responses from passion to comfort. Together, they create a celebration for the senses.

He likes chocolate and she likes vanilla. What are the odds? A combination that is full with joyfulness, happiness, loyalty, and fondness.

7 sweet promises by chocolate to vanilla :

1) to make his vanilla happy
2) to share his feeling for her
3) to share his possession with her
4) to be faithful
5) to respect her family
6) to make her a part of his life
7) to keep all promises

Warkah Syawal.

Ramadhan selesai sudah.Alhamdulillah, syukran YaRabb; masih berkesempatan saya menjalaninya walau ada diantara 'hati' saya telah pulang menghadap Ilahi.Aidilfitri tahun ini, genap 84 hari tanpa bonda.Kepulangan saya ke kampung halaman pada syawal 1431H ini adalah yang pertama kali sejak mengiringi bonda pulang Jun lepas.Sepanjang perjalanan pulang, teringat akan pemanduan sepanjang mengiringi bonda.Selalunya bonda ada bersama di dalam kereta memerhati dan menjaga pemanduanku,tapi kini....hanya pesanan bonda terngiang-ngiang.Rindu pada bonda. Setiap hentian sepanjang perjalanan kembali dalam ingatan bersama-sama bonda. Dulu, pernah berhenti di sini makan bersama bonda.Selalunya bonda tak makan, hanya berkongsi dengan anak-anak. Diet katanya. Lucu bonda ni. Menungku panjang melihat tempat-tempat kami pernah bersama.

Selalunya bondalah paling gembira bila pulang ke kampung awal. Saya gembira bila bonda gembira. Kerana bonda dapat berjumpa bondanya juga.Namun,tibanya saya di rumah nenek,beratnya kaki mahu melangkah masuk. Mataku terpaku ke satu tempat dimana bonda dan saya pernah bersama-sama bersihkan halaman rumah nenek.Bonda seorang ibu dan wanita yang kuat, bonda masih gagah membersihkan halaman, tapi saya sudah mengadu keletihan.

Hanya Allah yang tahu perasaan apakah yang tersimpul di hati semasa melangkah masuk ke rumah nenek.Setiap sudut jua terkenang bonda.Ini rumah bonda. Bonda dilahirkan di sini. Bonda membesar di sini.
Langkahku terhenti semasa melalui tempat bonda dimandikan,dikafankan dan disolatkan. Hati yang lemah ini tak dapat menahan.Air mata gugur juga.Masih tiada kudrat untukku melangkah masuk ke tempat-tempat itu.

Hari terakhir Ramadhan tahun ini, kami beramai-ramai menziarah makam bonda.Untuk yang pertama kalinya sejak Jun lalu. Pokok bunga kemboja berbunga merah jambu ditanam buat teduhan bonda.Disisipi bacaan yaasin dan disirami juga air bacaan yaasin.Rindunya pada bonda.Hanya Allah jualah yang tahu perasaanku yang sedang meronta-ronta ketika itu.

Takbir 1 Syawal menusuk kalbu. Tanpa bonda. Dulu, pada salam terakhir solat sunat aidilfitri,akanku melihat raut wajah ceria bonda. Dialah insan pertama untukku meminta ampun maaf di pagi raya.Kini,bonda tiada disisi. Oh Hati,tabahlah!Oh Hati,sabarlah!

Keriangan raya lansung tidak dirasai. Hanya luaran yang pandai berpura-pura.

Syawal 1430H

Syawal 1431H

Mok,saya minta maaf dari hujung kaki ke hujung rambut sekiranya saya ada buat salah.Halalkan makan minum saya mok.I MISS U SO MUCH.